we'll live forever, no matter what it costs us

such a difficult mood right now. there are way too many things going on and not enough at the same time. maine is wickedly grey.  the sun only shows through the clouds on rare occasions. and even though the ocean is just blocks away, i don't feel home.

i keep missing opportunities or gaining something in the long run. i can't quite tell.  im done with first semester and i haven't gained anything real. not yet. 

my final photo critique went a lot better than expected.  im excited to work over break with visions of my own. no one really takes me seriously here. 

it is undeniable that the things you have always felt you needed come up when you have finally tried to lay them to rest.  it's quite aggravating actually. to be hovering in this area where everything youve known is gone. but still there, just different. totally one from its original place.  

im really sick and tired of people thinking its okay to drop you at any point because theyre bored.  i understand if you get bored, but to treat me as an annoyance, as something gross that you cannot even fathom acknowledging the existence of? thats a little low, i must admit. 

the loss of home is so ripping.  i feel like a piece of my identity is gone and building it back up is so so so hard right now. 

and yes, i am as scattered as these thoughts right now. bummer.