courage laced with alcohol.

Lyrics to Oviedo :
The thrill here is quicker than you'd think
The way some jet-lagged bar kept pouring the wine
From over their heads then sit back down again
Four times is once too much for love
That's how many times the clock struck
I wandered home, saying your name

The arches here were built 'cause they don't fall
The cat dead drawls to make you feel small
You might find your small soul
Leave the preaching to the president
The crowd cheers, his eyes get wet
I'm full as it is, I'm full as it is
So don't feed me more

You'll be having my head, big as a birthday
'Cause I left all my doubts on the airplane
I didn't know, I didn't know I'm not in control
I didn't know, I'm not invincible

And maybe some things are better left unsaid
But if you wanted to test that, I will, yeah, I guess, I could've said
But there were nights in bars that I recall
Your breath was courage laced with alcohol
You leaned in, you said, 
"Make music with the chatter in here,
And whisper all the notes in my ears."
I didn't know, I didn't know the way of my tongue
I didn't know, I didn't know what I'd done

The lights here are softer than you'd think
The dim lit peacocks in the trees,
They're hiding their eyes and their beauty, like me
But if my eyes were on my back
I know what I'd be looking at
Through every shade of brown and green
I didn't know, I didn't know it was nothing new
I didn't know, I didn't know it was you

i had a wonderful day in turners falls. even though my parents are crushing my dreams. yeah, theyre fucking crushing me. but i guess it's all good, i'll find my path one way or another. and im happy i can finally listen to slow songs again and not have tears run down my face. it really is a beautiful thing; music. ive gotten ballsy in the past few weeks as well. im feeling stronger, even though you still give me weak knees. i thought of this today: "we care enough to make time for one another every now and then, but we dont care enough to actually care about one another." yeah, it makes sense in my head. at least right now. 

i hope you never read this.