getting sadder by the minute. i think it's a concoction of the weather mixed with my current situation. i think there's a cold wind blowing down the doors of my soul and its eating my heart alive. i think my response to reverberations is unjust and too quick to judge. i think i feel like a marionette and respond even slower. i am losing the grasp i have worked so hard for. i am scared of being scared again. i am saddened by being sad again. i am trying to rip open pieces of me to find the light, but what if there's only room for shadows? what if i am supposed to be alone and indifferent and singular and cellular. molecular rather than nuclear. revolutionary and sound. my skin is ripping into set aside particles that just don't fit into this jigsaw puzzle of a face anymore. i am shrinking and losing while still gaining in my thighs and hips. i feel sick to my stomach and eat myself rotten and i keep trying without putting forth any effort and somehow i expect to change while i feel like i am lost and stuck in circles.
stream of consciousness blows sometimes. i want dexter to fucking load. right now.
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