Saturday, May 22, 2010

i skipped a few days

and i already feel worse. fuck. 4 hours of sleep, then 8 hours of work then 2 hours of driving....i dont know if my brain can handle this. so many things running through my mind and building this brick that just keeps slowly crawling up my chest to my throat. i couldnt hold it together last night, and i have no idea why. i was exhausted and as soon as i put my head on that pillow is was like doubt just washed all over my body in the most complete and terrifying way. i started questioning every single move i have made in the past two weeks. thinking, rethinking, thinking over again. my stomach hurts so much right now and i know a headache is coming because i cant stop grinding my teeth because i cant stop setting my jaw in absolute anger, with myself. and since my stomach hurts i cant eat. and this building knot is forming in throat and i don't know if it's because im sick or if it's because there are so many things i'm not saying.

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